Year 2004-2005

Apung Belto [Barrio Tales]

Apung Belto is now in his nineties, a man admitted to the hospital after a fall. He sustaind a hip fracture and recently underwent what they call 'open reduction internal fixation of the hip' and I am his Physical Therapist (hey, there is nothing wrong with promoting my profession). Which reminds me to mention that Apung Belto used to be a journalist way back in nineteen kopung-kopong, and man, he is very learned. One time, he started talking about how bad the staff and the hospital was and I made the mistake of judging him. "You are an opinionated man", I said. Man, I should not have said that. I really should not. A few days after his surgery I managed to get him up despite his barrage of protestations. And when he was well enough, he beckoned me to sit by his chair, close the door, and then he talked...I think what he gave me was more a lecture than a conversation.

He was sitting on his chair with newspapers in front of him. I still can't believe that despite his age, he was free from using eyeglasses and could read and interpret what he reads more sharply than the many learned people I know.

"To begin with," he said, "I am not opinionated, I present facts. I used to write for the papers in our country. So don't get surprised and don't ask why I have all these newspapers in front of me.I still can read, y'know. Once a newspaperman, always a newspaperman.

"I don't really know if my thoughts would have any value to you but is it just me or what, are Filipino newspapers becoming propaganda machines? There is this one paper that is obviously focused, and how focused! in beating the hell out of The Politician and there is another paper that is full of praises. And then, there is this investigative magazine that seems to be hiding in the bush all the time, like one of them cats scavenging garbage bins at nights and then, voila! a magazine that specializes in garbage. It is one of those papparazzi kind of magazines that wait in the dark hoping you'd drop your pants and when that happens, click!

"This never happened during my time. When I was young, we journalists didn't dare mix our journalism with our subjective thoughts. Subjective thoughts are in the arena of fiction and literature. We may have reservations about this and that but these are uttered privately or reinterpreted in our fiction.

"Reporting the state of affairs, whether an opinion or news have always been presented with balanced perspective. If one person accuses another, I would not dare publish that accusation without the other giving me a rebuttal. That is democracy.

"Now, let me ask you you, what is your opinion about what you read in the papers, Alex Maskara, my PT?"

I said, Apung Belto, I don't give a shit. Newspapermen can write anything they want to write as much as I can write whatever I want to write - although... of course they are paid by the public and I am not.

"Bingo!" exclaimed Apung Belto. "That is the key. There is a difference between getting paid to write and when you write for your own self. If you are a newspaperman, you are paid for the news and it's your responsibility to present balanced news. Why? Because if you present the side of one reader there is another reader expecting to read the 'other' side. At least if you write fiction, heck, readers won't buy you if they don't feel like reading you. But to be one-sided and imbalanced and call yourself a journalist is an abomination in my book. That turns you into a propagandist already, like an advertising machine. And it would be unfair to the reading public to promote and advocate your personal agenda, those agendas should be expressed in non-paying fora."

"Like blogs", I volunteered.

"Yes, like blogs. Blogs are neutral places especially when people have the access to respond to your posts. That is where you can propagate every agenda you want but when you go back to the reality of writing for public consumption and money, you must be as balanced and objective as you can... (here Apung Belto pauses as if reminding himself of something)...if I were to blog my thoughts they won't matter to either you or the many people out there."

"Why not Apung Belto?"

"Because after I have lived ninety years on this earth, the only thing that matters is how honest I am about my feelings. What matters is not to change my feelings based on what the society feels. That's probably why I survived as a journalist - I removed all my feelings - to me, a stone is a stone and if it hits water, I report how the stone hit the water and how the water created waves afterwards. And I would not dare talk only about stone and forget about the wave."

Apung Belto wanted me to stay with him some more but I have other patients to see. I did not agree or disagree with him because, really, I didn't care.

I am a working man paid for my services - and my services are intended to produce results. If I listen to all my patients everyday, they would all be left alone on their beds dying one by one -- anyone who had orthopaedic surgery would not want to be touched. But I force my way into their lives, I force my way -- because that's my job and that's how I'm paid and I KNOW they will die if I don't move them.

And in my private time of writing and blogging, I express my thoughts the way everybody expresses his/her thoughts. I am free and irresponsible because nobody will die if I write what I fancy to write. It is the responsibility of those who are educated and tasked to write to improve the society through their writings. And if they think being propagandists is the way to save a country so be it.

Because at the end of it all, all my writings and my thoughts would become irrelevant and boring. That's life --- we all turn old and irrelevant.

What matters is my sincerity in what I do today and to grow old and die with a smile in my lips for giving the best I could give though it is never enough.

It will never be enough. And that's ok. It's always ok with me.