Diary 38

Manila Bay Sunset

The voice of Roberto Policarpio's ghost faded. I, Antonio Salamanca closed the last diary notebook which contained his final letter. I chose not to read it.

Guilt had overwhelmed me. The guilt of abandoning him, unable to talk him out of killing people whose mistakes were too trivial. I stared at the diaries inside my knapsack.

I got up. Angry. More determined to come up with two thousand pesos to claim his corpse and cremate it.

I've got to make money. I jumped off the seawall to search for a client. A Lou Reed whisper. "Hey boy, wanna take a walk on the wild side?" I bit my lips and forced myself to smile. I gave back my usual Rod Stewart answer. "If you think I'm sexy, come and take my body."

The stale breath of the client gained heat, it was close to my ear. "Am I lucky or what?" he asked.

Not that fast. "Can you afford me?" I said without turning to look at him.

A grunt. When he spoke again, it was cold, barren and beastly. "You're a callboy aren't you? How much do you want?"

Turning around, I faced a sickly looking old man. Suddenly, I had the impulse to scream at him, at God, at the bay, at all the things around me. Yes, I am a prostitute! Like my friend Roberto Policarpio. These are all we've got: our dicks, out tongues, our lips, our young bodies, our worn jeans and smelly underwears. But I promise you, we will seduce you until you dish out the last penny in your pocket.

Instead, I stroked my groin, wet my lips, closed my eyes, stuck out my tongue. "A hundred bucks for service de lux."

The man burned with desire. Suddenly, he was the beggar and I, the giver. "I...I've got twenty," he mumbled.

Twenty pesos my ass. Screw you. Who do you think I am? Frankenstein? I stepped back from his breath and yellow teeth. No way will I stick out my balls for a lousy twenty bucks. "Forget it man."

Panic rose in his face. Yeah, I loved to see my power at work, how people pulled out everything they've got to have me. Dirty pig! Take me for all the money you've got.

He pulled out his wallet and counted his meager cash. Twenty bucks - he was not lying. Equals one dollar. Four hundred yen. I shook my head. He searched for more money in his front pockets and came up with ten bucks in coins that jingled among assorted receipts and keys.

"I've got thirty."

The nerve! I saddled my knapsack on my shoulders and walked away.

"Please", he begged. I won't ask you much."

I exploded. "Oh yeah? My cum is worth a hundred bucks at least because that is the daily minimum wage in Manila. I am late with my rent, I have to eat, I have to finance my college. I need more that thirty pesos! Damn you, faggot!"



I had pride despite my empty stomach. I looked for Maria. Maybe she had some left-overs for me.

I went into the makeshift tent she erected out of disposed carton boxes spread out to form a home along Manila Bay reclamation area. The tent was surrounded by dirty white blankets. I see a candle burning.

"Maria?" I called.

I crawled in. Maria was sitting on a pillow, smoking, listening to a soap being played in her portable radio.

"Maria, how are you?"

She pressed a finger in her pouted mouth. "Shh, I want to finish the drama."

I squatted beside her. I looked around her tent. There were scattered dried sampaguitas on the ground; in a corner, pile of woven fans stood. There was a broken mirror attached to a standing carton. Her purse was beside her. I waited until the radio drama was over.

"What made you come here?" she asked.

"Maria, I am hungry."

She put off her cigarette in an empty can of sardines. "I don't know if there is left over rice in the casserole".

I walked my knee towards the blackened casserole. "Yes, there is rice in here", I said.

She took her purse. She pulled out its contents. Lipsticks, make up kit, condoms, combs, a few coins fell. From the bottom she pulled out a Ligo sardines. "The last one." she said.

Shame came upon me. "Maria, I will pay you back someday for this."

She smiled at me. I remembered she was just ten years old.

I greedily took all the rice from the casserole and the sardines, saying in between chewing, "I will graduate soon from college, Maria. When I find a job, I will rent an apartment for all of us and we will not do this anymore. You will go back to school until you finish as nurse. Elena will become a teacher." The thought of Elena made me stop. "Where is Elena?"

Maria sighed. "Well, her parents did not come to get her."

"So where is she now?"

The Social Service department raided our hang out here. They took her and placed her there at the Girls-town for Orphans, the poor girl was beaten up everyday by the orphans. She escaped and came back here. Then the police came. We were all huddled into the prison. I was raped there by one of those bastards. Twice."

"What about Elena?"

She closed her eyes tightly and began crying. "I threatened to expose them bastard policemen. They'd beaten us so hard I thought we were gonna die. And then they let us go. They could not let two children die in juvenile prison. Before leaving, they threatened to kill us the moment we sing about them. Elena was so scared she was in shock for days. I had to stay with her wiping a wet towel on her forehead, I caressed her face when she called for her parents who never came. She was feversih. And then, one night, she rose up. She said she will be willing to be like me. From then on, during the day, she sells flowers at Quiapo church and Mabini and runs after cars to sell paper fans. She doesn't rake money from these. At nights, she accompanies me in servicing the tourist. In fact I'm just getting myself ready. So, here we are, still surviving. How about you Antonio?"

"I promise you Maria, you will live with me when I graduate from college."

"Bullshit, Antonio. Tell me that when you find a job. You are no different from the tourists, boys and men alike. Promising, promising... but when the time comes, hah!"



I walked along Mabini to search Elena. I found her in front of the Girly bar at the intersection of Del Pilar and Faura. I did not approach her. I hid behind one of the parked trucks and watched her. She carried a basket of flowers and fans. "Hey Joe," she called to the passing tourists. "Flowers for your girlfriends." She ran after them, tagged on their pants - they dismissed her, slapped her, posed to kick her. Most of the time, they simply ignored her. She was undaunted.

One of the tourists paid close attention to her, stroke her hair and smiled. She flirted. By two o clock, he took her to a nearby motel. When they disappeared, I went back to Manila bay. I did not worry about her. She was at least in a decent motel. I hoped he won't hurt her.



Three days after, Roberto Policarpio's ghost appeared.

"I saw my son," he murmured. He stood on giant rocks that were continuously beaten by the waves. "Tia Valenzuela and her parents aborted my son."

"That was her choice Roberto."

"She killed my son. She allowed them to smash his face and blast his body... my son looked like me."

"How could you know all these, you were not even there. You walked out on her. You could have at least talked her out of it but you walked away."

"All my son asked for was life. He was refused it."

"Robert, it is all over now. It was a mistake you committed years ago, you were both young then."

"I cannot rest in peace. My son's spirit flies in my world, lingering like me because we both died prematurely. He asks me why I abandoned him. He could not understand my reasons; how will I explain? My parents had no power to help, the society took away everything away from me - my chance to succeed, my chance to play, my chance to be me, my dreams."

"Roberto Policarpio, there are certain realities you need to accept."

"Antonio, Tia Valenzuela has to pay for the death of my son."

Saying this, a light appeared behind him. His ghost spread out, as thin as air, pure white. It enveloped me, warm and tender to my skin, it snatched me and we swirled round and round. I found myself inside the dark room I am so used to by now. In here, Roberto and I materialized. A candle burned in the middle, my parents emerged from the carton box. They talked only to Roberto.

"How are you Roberto?" my mother asked.

"I am fine Mrs. Salamanca." he answered.

I screamed. "Mother! I am your son. Why don't you speak to me!"

She acted as if I wasn't even there.

I turned to Roberto. "Please, make my mother speak to me. Dammit, can't she even acknowledge me?"

Roberto walked toward the carton box and pulled out his mask. "Come," he said, he nearly dragged my tired body.

The dreadful screen re-appeared. "Not again," I uttered. Please no more of this. In the screen, I saw Roberto walking briskly, his steps were brisk, sure where to go. I was helpless in watching him. Who is it this time?

Roberto put on his mask, he wore barong tagalog of the finest jusi, entered the plush Shell hotel that is touted as tallest buiding in Manila. The hotel was a Manila pride, it was built against tirades of criticisms; the public was concerned about its safety in the earthquake infested city. The builders assured them that it used the latest anti-earthquake technology from Tokyo and California. Inside, Roberto made his way from the lobby straight into its heart called Aorta, where a fashion show was being held.

He easily walked past the security. "I'm one of the models," he told the guard; he was so elegant.

The guard didn't question him. To his credit, a lot of male models now wore a mask, a trend he sat when he was still alive. The screen changed, Roberto was now in the backstage, mingling with the models. No one paid attention to him, everyone seemed high, amidst pot and crack. All was in disarray. He stopped in front of a model sitting in a corner, her eyes stared blankly at space. It was Tia Valenzuela.

"I want to talk with you," Roberto said to her.

She recognized the voice. "You," she mumbled, her face became pale, her body turned limp; she dragged herself away from him. "You bastard. You are dead." Her voice was muffled and afraid. She stood up and walked away. The other models stared at her with indifference. They shrugged their shoulders. Roberto followed her.

The screen flashed and changed setting. Tia was climbing the stairs, holding a glass in one hand, a cigarette in another. Her breathing was now labored and short. She nearly fell on one step, Roberto pulled her up. "Leave me alone, you are dead. You are a dream."

Roberto kept trailing her silently.

She exited at the top floor, it was an open pad for helicopter landings, being there was like being at the top of the city. She relaxed and savored the cold wind that brushed against her, her breathing became normal again. She looked behind her, "You won't leave me hah? " she mocked at Roberto.

"You killed my son, " Roberto accused her.

She raised her glass in a toast, her head up, "Cheers to your sorrow, " she said bitterly.

"Why did you let them kill him?" Roberto continued, his voice faltering. He was crying.

"What did you expect me to do? You left me alone cold when I needed you. "

"You have no heart!"

"Ha! I have no heart!" Tears were flowing down her face as well, her make- up making her appear like a monster. "Do you think it was that easy to lose a child? Everywhere I turn, his presence is present! Do you think a mother can get rid of her child that easily?"

"Look!" Roberto said, he waved his hand in the air. From nowhere, a flying object which turned into cherubin appeared, an angel with smashed face and dismembered body. "Look at your child!"

Tia, upon seeing the vision screamed at the top of her voice. "My child! My son! My everything!"

She ran after the vision, her arms outstretched, trying to reach it, trying to embrace it.

And then... she flew in dark space from the twenty fourth story of the hotel, she gave a brief shriek and then silence.

The screen faded before my eyes. Roberto was beside me again, pulling my hand toward the dark room. "Get away from me," I cried. "You are a monster. "

The entire city of Manila was shocked to learn about the manner of the death of Tia. Foul play was immediately suspected. This suspicion gained further credibility when two voices came into play. Arnie Te had partially recovered from coma; another person, Roberto's old neighbor began to speak. They both claimed that Roberto Policarpio tried to kill them. Arnie, despite aphasia managed to convey to the media how Roberto inserted a long thin needle at the back of his neck- this was collaborated by medical findings. The neighbor, now blind described how Roberto splashed acid into his face. Additional witnesses came. Roberto Policarpio, alias Faceless Adonis appeared in the midst of crowds before these crimes were commited. The suspicion widened, this time, the name of Rolando Magbanua came up; it was all the same, he was murdered by Roberto Policarpio.

No less than the President ordered an investigation. Manila Police chief Lit-e headed the investigation team.

The newspapers feasted on the emerging mystery. "Where is Roberto Policarpio?" became a headline.

In the ensuing investigation, Mang Vicente, the caretaker of the Universal Morgue reported that Roberto Policarpio was already dead before these crimes were committed. A young man was claiming his corpse. He finally released my name - Antonio Salamanca.

The media did not miss the name. "Who is Antonio Salamanca?" was the next day's headline.

What I dreaded happened. Elmo, reported to my university that I showed him Roberto's diaries.

Not to be outdone, Carlos, informed the Luneta Police that I knew Roberto Policarpio's death before anybody else did.

My landlady was questioned too. She called me names - a hooker, a drug addict, a late payer of rent who did not appear in the boarding house since these murders and attempted murders occurred. She was the one who voiced everyone's suspicion. "Antonio Salamanca is the serial killer."

I found myself trapped. Everything was pointing to me. The policemen were closing in. I had no place to hide.

I was seated at the far end of Manila Bay seawall, the part that was devoid of people, it was pitch black. Roberto's ghost was beside me.

"Roberto," I whispered. Why did you commit those crimes?"

"They've got to pay." he answered.

"Can't you see what you did to me? I am the one suspected. It is none of my business if those people made you suffer in your previous life. I wish I didn't encounter you at all. You are a cruel monster of a ghost."

He remained silent for a long time.

"Roberto?"

"I am still here."

"People think I committed all these. Please tell them the truth."

"Don't be afraid."

"What shall I do?"

"My business in this world is not over yet."

"What else do you want from me? Haven't you done enough damage?"

"Damage? What about you Antonio? What about the children of Manila Bay?"

"Don't include me in your revenge. Don't even include those children. Unlike you, we're fine."

"Oh no, You are not."

"You can't tell me what I feel."

"I've been there, Antonio."

"What are you planning to do next?"

"How is Elena?" he asked suddenly.

I shuddered. "Don't even mention her name! Take her out of your concerns!"

"My reason for lingering on earth is to mete out justice and prevent further damage to children like her, like you..."

"I am not a child!"

"You are, Antonio."

"What will you do to Elena?"

"She has to die."

"What? Are you out of your mind? You are not a god to take someone's life. You are just a ghost, dammit. Go back to where you belong."

"Elena has to die to keep her innocence and purity. If she dies this early, she can become one of the most beautiful angels in the world of spirits."

"I don't understand you... Yesterday, you murdered Tia because she killed a child. Now you are about to kill another child for her innocence. I can't find logic here."

"The two children are different. I've seen the future of my son. He would have been a doctor who would find cure for cancer, that is, if his mother allowed him to live. Elena is different. She will grow up as prostitute and ten years from now, will acquire AIDS."

"How do you know all these?"

"I have the power of foretelling the future."

"That doesn't permit you to cut her life short."

"It does, Antonio, I repeat, that is my business."

"Roberto, you'll touch Elena over my dead body. I will prevent you. I will do everything to stop you."

"Antonio, if you stop me, you will die."

"I'd rather die than watch you kill an innocent child."

"Just watch and see Antonio..."

"You are the face of the Devil. I will stop you, I promise."

"If you do that, you will die."



He put on another mask. I vehemently refused this vision, I pinched myself in different parts, thinking that with pain, I'd remain awake. It didn't work. I clawed my nails on my skin until spurts of blood appeared in sharp lines, that too didn't work. We were in the dark room. Roberto was standing before a lighted candle, grinning. My parents were nowhere to be found. I crashed my head against wall continuously to stop this vision. It did not work. Roberto held my hand.

"No!" I jumped away from him.

The screen of death appeared before my eyes. "Roberto, kill me first before her", I begged. He did not hear.



Alex Maskara