OLONGAPO

I sit beside the bay of Subic. I  understand now why my brother is persistent about visiting Subic, it is perhaps the last decent place one can visit in the Philippines. Even that is an understatement - Subic too doesn't fail to show  the dilapidated old houses of American GIs.  The white houses I saw five years ago are all abandoned and in different stages of break-downs suggestive of failures which by now  can safely be equated with the Philippines. Or maybe I am wrong. Subic is just probably pointing out the direction it is heading to - the beach, the free port - maybe it's not really meant for duty-free shops as it excitedly attempted before, that is,  before all those shops lost money and closed.

The only thing I noticed in the Philippines is the lack of planning. Urban or rural planning is something so important in countries like the US. In Florida alone, roads are constantly modified and expanded to meet the population expansion. Florida has very strict rules in building structures and edifices. Maybe I'm comparing my country with others. Many would say "this is the Philippines and not Florida". That pisses me off all the more because that is precisely the reason why we should do better. I hear good voices in Manila - the fight of good Manilenos over how Manila landscape is being modified and designed is something I am always interested about. Manila Bay's beautification is very  heart-warming. The way Walled City is being resuscitated is something I love the Filipinos for. But the northern part of Manila where I mostly enter the city is nothing but a sub-human tenement. Buildings so dusty and old are frighteningly standing like gas chambers for residents. The road traffic, no matter how "expert" in traffic management leaders are, is impossible to solve. First, the roads never match the city's population explosion; second, all types of vehicles are free-wheeling in the city - where two lanes are stretched into five - and my brother the Pinoy beams with Pride, "we Pinoys are more aggressive". And stupid, I boldly add.

One thing I learned  from my brother is something I must share with you dear reader. He claims there is only one reason for the heavy traffic now prevalent even in the capital city of San Fernando: loss of jobs. For  every family man who lost a job and whose skills wouldn't allow him to work abroad, driving a jeepney or a tricycle or  a calesa or a three wheeler or a two wheeler is the next best option for his survival. I could not even cuss at the drivers that slow down the traffic knowing  only too well that the tricycle driver before me is probably trying to earn the last peso needed to feed his children. Isn't that pathetic? I have mentioned this before and I repeat myself : to solve the major problems of the Philippines there are only three solutions: jobs, jobs and jobs. Job creation in the Philippines is so necessary and I will tell you why - in Angeles, a man who is begging for alms asked me for a job as well. "You look like you're from somewhere, please give me a job!" Oh the many tales I heard in Angeles - people who rob cell phones and sunglasses and money  aren't exactly criminals. When they have no jobs to keep them busy and secure, and when there is no hope, and when there are so many mouths to feed, what do you honestly expect them to do? Welcome you and treat you like a friend?

Yet I also sense the difficulty of creating jobs at a time and season that we are in now. The threat of war and the reputation we Filipinos create for our country don't help. But I can assure you this: The Filipino is a decent person. He is industrious. He has self- respect. He cares about his friends, community and family. Without a job though, all that is thrown out of the window. What we need is a great revolution of some sort - I don't know what it is but anyone who can invent a job-generating machine for Filipinos is definitely my hero. Whoever you are, I will be at your service for the rest of my life.

The older I get and the more I go around with ordinary Filipinos, the more accepting I am of their weaknesses and strengths. The more I understand them and the more I see the REASONS behind their plight, the more I want to stay with them. When I was young, my  dream was to enter the seminary and become a priest. As a priest, I thought of going to some desperate country somewhere to help needy people. When I grew and discovered I am gay, I shifted from priesthood to Medicine thinking of following the steps of great Doctor missionaries of the past. Then I became poor. I lost my scholarship. I could not go beyond a course like Physical Therapy. For so many years, I felt guilty for abandoning my original goal in life of going somewhere in a desperate country to help its people.

Isn't destiny so surprising? How life's turns change so radically? When I look at myself now, being  Filipino-American,  I realize something, something odd. If viewed from afar, this thing looks like broken pieces of glasses; until I get close to it and take a sharp look. And I say, Eureka! this is what it is all about. The desperate country and desperate people I wanted to serve since my childhood are no other than the people in my own neighborhood, in my own community, in my own city, in my own country.

I realize that I must become a Missionary to my own native land.

I will be going home someday...I will be going home for good someday....

Alex Maskara Is Pinoy

Volume 1