Barrio Stories and Other Tales

Barrio

The Talangka People



I ain't lying to you, I've seen the talangka people with my own brown eyes. Truly Conchita, I ain't lying. I've seen the talangka politicians even when I was blind.

They appear hidden in their thick carapaces, their pincers are as strong and painful as ever, they appear only in the limelight and they speak fluently, the talangka men know nothing but how to destroy their opponents and their wives know nothing but how to surgically alter their faces to look more like talangka versions of Elizabeth Taylor. I see them gather in this pond in their best attires- you'd expect their appearances be at least pleasant to the eye but damn, the men's eyes are red-watery, their torsos are kidney-failed, pissing, drinking, hacking, potbellied torsos and their mouths are cigar-smoking , contorted mouths. Their wives' faces are so plastically altered they smile like plastic version of Pinocchio or Mickey Mouse, they too, are pot-bellied, worse, they mistake their Pinocchio faces for the face of Elizabeth Taylor, they put Cher to shame.

Oh did I mention they are newly elected officials in Talangka-land and they won by virtue of their promises to the Talangka people?

You see, Talangka-land is about to vanish in famine, the talangka people want a change. The main thing they want is to save the last remaining female tilapia in the pond. Tilapia is their main source of food, the only source of their national survival. The talangka people dread to face the dim future of joblessness, poor water and electric supply, rampant malnutrition due to the vanished tilapia. The only way for their pond to succeed is to save this last remaining female tilapia, the last wife of the last male tilapia and hopefully the pair would produce offspring that would save Talangka-land.

And our talangka politicians gave the most fantastic promises during their political campaigns, giving the best options to save the Tilapia and Talangka-land that people marveled and applauded and celebrated amidst the political turmoil brought in by the violence of these same political talangkas.

Now, the day of reckoning is here, these talangka politicians are about to fulfill their election promise.

The Talangka-land is hoping, praying, watching for their success.

They gathered in the Talangka Bicameral House and the moment the gavel was pounded on the table, the talangka politicians gnawed at their opponents, they started hitting each others with their thick pincers, the women cattily scratched each others with their thick claws, their plastic surgery-altered faces getting more distorted. They called each others names and they questioned each others legitimacy. They wanted their better-halves' win in election too. They wanted the President to be out of office. They wanted their Thrown-Out Friend to remain President. The resulting pandemonium has brought the Talangka-land into turmoil.

Then, they all focused their eyes on the last female tilapia they are elected to protect and save. The men began salivating, they started testing the strength of the their pincers. They gathered into their separate political groups and parties to scheme their best way to attack the Tilapia.

When the Tilapia moved, they immediately ran after her and one by one, they bit her, beat her to death, they gobbled her every flesh until they could no longer gobble anything from her. When it was over, they sat their attention at the male tilapia, they did the same to him.

The whole world of Sea and Ocean was shocked.

Alex Maskara

Barrio Tales